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Alternate Meanings For Common Words

It continues to be an intense time for staff in schools. The following light relief captured my attention and I hope brightens your day (at least briefly). Hang in there, your community needs you.

The Washington Post has recently published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. Some people are SO clever! Here are my choice of the top 10.

And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absent mindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavoured mouthwash.

9. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

10. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.